Finish Line Laziness

Have you ever been doing something and you get to nearly the end of it and all of your energy and focus around the task just leaves you? I remember this happening to me when writing creative fiction in elementary school. I would get through about 75% of the story that was in my head, in incredible detail, only to give up the ending in my head for a quick fix, totally contrived ending because I was SO over writing that story. I guess taking a break and coming back wasn’t really an option for me then. (Later in school, the phrase deus ex machina would have special meaning for me) This laziness happens when I am rearranging my room. I get everything undone and then lose motivation to redo it. (Where is my machina, world?!) Continue reading

Pro-Choice and Proud

I am a pro-choice person. Being one completely changed my life. I had lost my direction and gotten lost in a bottle or two (or four). I started volunteering because I needed something in my life that made me feel good about myself, good about my life, just good. Because of taking that first step, I was able to get on the path that I wanted to be on, and I absolutely give full credit to my work as a pro-choice activist for getting back into school and getting my life back together they way I envisioned it. Small steps can make big changes.

Part of what I do is to escort patients into the clinic. Even though this is New York City, there are regular, anti-choice harassers outside of the clinic every weekend. I am used to them. We strangely have a silent agreement about what they are allowed to get away with, in the interest of keeping the area outside of the clinic as calm as possible. The people in the neighborhood are very supportive of the clinic. Several times during a shift, they will thank whoever is standing by the door or across the street. Escorting in New York City is mostly a job of Good Mornings and smiles. But there is a reason we are all trained to deal with anti-choice protesters. Continue reading

2012 Ate My Brain!

I got home yesterday and my roommate was watching the movie 2012. I was not going to get sucked in to this, but I had a cobbler to make and the tv is right by the kitchen (hello, NYC apartment). So we’re watching. I am a sucker for cheesy action flicks with hardcore nice (usually) guys risking their lives for other people and human beings banding together to defeat a foe. So yeah, Independence Day gets me.

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family and war

my brother is looking down the barrel of a tour in Afghanistan. he has already been to Iraq, which is actually why he’s going to Afghanistan. he signed up for a few more years while in Iraq. the army accepted this from him. at the time, he would tell me that he couldn’t imagine coming back to the US, that coming home was what scared him. the army capitalized on this fear, and now he is heading to Afghanistan soon.

i can’t think clearly about this because he is my brother and i am too mad. to me, he was clearly not in a state to be able to sign a new contract. but he’s not going to fight the contract. no, he’ll fight a war instead. my own fear and loyalty makes me want to fight this fight for him but i won’t because he is a grown man. what can i do?! i need steps to take.

i want him home and making those next plans and taking next steps in his life. i don’t want to worry or to remember to worry or to forget to worry enough. worry is where a lot of my personal superstitions manifest; you should see me on an airplane.

i don’t think my outrage is only personal. if someone else told this to me, i would have the benefit of being angry without the frustration of needing and being unable to do anything. the best i can do is tell him, “if you feel the need to re-up while on tour again, do us all a favor and at least wait until you get back home.” and hope and wait for him to return safely.