BJs (shut your dirty mind)

BJs! I spent Sunday in this land of wonder: toilet paper bigger than me as far as the eye can see, ridiculous amounts of laundry detergent, bags of organic quinoa bigger than my head. My roommate and I made the leap to buy in bulk and change our junk room to a storage room. 

We got a ZipCar (ProTip1: check the name of your car before deciding that your card or the car is broken, and headed to the Queens location. We pulled into the driveway and immediately drove into a downhill run that could rival a rollercoaster. Then we pulled around to park. I have never seen a building look more like it should be dropped into a zombie or some post-apocalyptic movie. If the latter, then it is probably in the scene where the broken people are desperately foraging in the only way they know how: through familiar stores rather than unfamiliar nature.

Upon entering the store, we got our membership and an oversized cart and headed over to paper products to acquire a metric ton or so of toilet paper and paper towels. Within in the first aisle, my roomie commented, “The basket is already full.” (ProTip2: if you or someone says this, get another basket. Seriously.) We ran up and down the aisles, deciding if five dollars was too much to pay for 75 pounds of cat litter and creating a sculpture of products, each precariously stacked on one before. I got 10 pounds of carrots and 15 pounds of organic apples for juicing. My roommate got 10 or 15 pounds of grapefruit and a year’s worth of toothpaste.

Finally, we made it to the self-check out line and started to check ourselves out. We had so much stuff, the belt stopped, and I had to go rearrange things to get it moving again. We finished scanning and paying but then had to reload our cart. Apparently, it is three times harder to rebalance everything after it has been unloaded. The frustration of the people behind us was visible. (ProTip3: See ProTip2.) We got it together, sort of, with both of us carrying a few things and loaded up the car. With paper and grains and fruits and flour behind us, we headed back to the comfort of Brooklyn to figure out where these giant boxes and bags should go and redubbing our space Giant World. The trip then lead to don much needed spring cleaning, but that part of the story is way less interesting and way more neurotic.

Published by creatingcarrie

writer, performer, misadventurist, catmom, the silly aunt, and lawyer. i'm not very good at being still.

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