That’s how you take an aspirin?!

Dear Minnesota State House:

Thank you. From the bottom of my heart. I had no idea how wrong I have been. I had no idea that swallowing a pill could be so difficult, so dangerous, that medical supervision is necessary. I cannot believe how many uterus-Americans have lived their entire lives thinking that they had the proper procedure mastered for swallowing a pill. I am sitting here wondering how many of us have died or been seriously injured because we did not seek out professional care, thinking ourselves full adults capable of managing our healthcare. Think about how many of us take birth control EVERY DAY on our own! Without a doctor present! We might as well be playing Russian Roulette with a fully loaded gun.

You are to be commended. You have joined the ranks of your colleagues around the country (and the world) to say in one voice: “Hold on a second there, sweetheart.” It is so courteous of you to protect us from our uterus-addled brains. Which today is causing me a headache, so I am off to find a physician that can protect me from myself as I take an aspirin. Unfortunately, I am insurance-less now, so I’ll have to find a free clinic or emergency room that can help me. What a wonderful use of taxpayer dollars to have passed this bill.

Insincerely,

creatingcarrie