Ah, blog space. Thank you for waiting patiently for me while I finished a semester in law school and enjoyed some time with my family, away from most of my stressors. However, the one, the constant, followed me home. Body image issues! Good times!
I don’t make resolutions. I find the inspiration to make a new choice or attempt a new project or achieve a new goal does not come to me at any particular point on the calendar. However, the change to the new year is a time of reflection for me, and I’ve been reflecting on my relationship with my body this year.
I got home knowing that I had gained weight and that I had not kept up with my exercise the way I wished. I lost the gym will around the time that I also had a small crisis of “what am I doing?!” mid-semester. I just never really got back to the gym, though I did start riding a bike (love me some Capital Bike Share) to and from school. But my jeans were getting tighter and the buttons on my shirts were starting to open so much, it looked like the two sides were trying to get away from each other.
That’s me. My body reacts to my moods and tends to be slower to respond to changes than my mind. A lot of people are like this, I’m sure. My emotional body stops moving when it’s sad. I know plenty of people whose emotional body is the opposite: they tend to gain weight when they are happy with life.
I am reflecting upon this because I am seeking to improve the way I listen to my body. My tight jeans upset me. Then my feminist mind gets upset that this upsets me. And suddenly I’m standing on the precipice of sadness again. What I am trying to reflect upon and to change is how I frame and understand and interact with changes in my body. I don’t weigh myself. I don’t (generally) care what size I am in clothes. I don’t want changes in either of these things to affect me as much as it does.
What I know is: my happy body moves. My happy body runs or does yoga or bikes or walks. My happy body is satisfied with fresh, homecooked food. My happy body feels strong, regardless of size.
As the new year begins, I intend to be mindful of what my body is telling me. Is it, am I happy, even in the face of law school stress? I can make that the adjective that is the one that is most important in judging my body.
What is your happy body like?