Fallow Days

I’ve talked about this before, but I have a strange relationship with time. I would guess that a lot of people in recovery do. We have spent so much time in the thrall of our addictions and self-abuses, and those early moments of a new sobriety, while the shame clings to us, we tell ourselvesContinue reading “Fallow Days”

The Fuck It Bucket

Managing the fears that get in your way. The scene opens. Our heroine sits at her computer, typing out an email. She is focused, concentrated. She finishes the first draft and then reads it and reads it again. She edits it. She removes her personal writing ticks (“I think that we We should do X”) andContinue reading “The Fuck It Bucket”

Patience in Grief

My papaw passed away last week. (Not from Covid-19, and it is an emotional equivalent of one of those finger-stab-machine blood tests to feel like I have to explain that every single time I give someone the news.) We knew this was coming. We knew likely it would be this year. Once this all gotContinue reading “Patience in Grief”

Patience in Worry (or Adventures in Giving a Cat Her Meds)

My cat has been sick. She’s got medications for it and has been doing so much better lately. In the midst of all these tragedies and all this pain, these little miracles help me hope. But I am worrier. It will take a lot of personal work to tame that part of me. And amongstContinue reading “Patience in Worry (or Adventures in Giving a Cat Her Meds)”

Impatience

There’s a scream in me that wants to growl up my throat and burst out my window and make all the birds leave their hidden places in the trees and fly the edges of the sky. If it weren’t for the neighbors, I’d let it out. My skin itches to want to do something butContinue reading “Impatience”

The Meaning of Patience

Since I’m doing this whole exploration of patience, I figured I should know the definition. So I looked it up (as you would expect). Frankly, I don’t know that it captures what I am seeking when I seek patience. pa·tience /ˈpāSHəns/noun the capacity to accept or tolerate delay, trouble, or suffering without getting angry orContinue reading “The Meaning of Patience”

Patience in Time

I am not hating this somewhat break from our usual lives. I’m sure that won’t last, but this past weekend I had an experience that I haven’t felt in over a decade. In my twenties, I had a substance abuse problem. I don’t call it an addiction, because I didn’t have that physical dependency thatContinue reading “Patience in Time”

Patience in a Cup of Tea

I guess the universe had something it needed to tell me about this patience stuff. Nature does not hurry, yet everything is accomplished. Lao Tzu I sipped this tea while working on the novel I have been struggling with for coming up on two years. I want it to be in a place where I’mContinue reading “Patience in a Cup of Tea”

Considering Patience

I am not a patient person. Perhaps not the most impatient (although saying that makes my competitive brain wake the fuck up and say “We’ll see about that!”), but I do not like to wait. I suppose people could see this as a result of growing up and living in a Now! Now! Now! culture,Continue reading “Considering Patience”