When you get to the end in the middle of it all and there is still more, so much more, but it’ll be over soon, but you are so tired and you’ll regret this break tomorrow and the next day and over the weekend when you’re trying to get everything back running but right now. right now. you just need to stop.
You push. Look for something simple, something easy. That thing you can do to check just one thing off the CVS receipt of your to-do list. Do that and then break. Do that first though. Do that first.
But. I don’t want to.
The stone found me in Greece.
Slipped in a pocket; ported over borders and borders and oceans and lands
Four smooth grooves
(Or two depending on who’s counting)
Perfect for the shape of my stubby thumb
Cupped neatly in the valley of my palms
Taking on the wear and tear that would rip me apart
The hill tips over a points it’s way down through a jungle of lights and cars and shadowed pedestrians. On the days when it’s perfect, after the rush of the hours at work after the rush of the cars driving home, when the rush is the blur of the lights that stay green.
Down the slope and sweep juuust to the left and the earth tips down again and pulls you into her heart.
You could ride the momentum down and up again but this way, this way creates a storm in your ears and everything falls away as everything pulls to the present and it is you and the road and the risk and the blood in your veins and the beat of your heart.
The earth tips up again.
You whisper thanks to your guardian angel as you pump her pedals over the crest of the hill and past the tent city with flags crying for Argentina and through the light at the top as it turns to yellow.
There’s that old question that is supposed to help you get at what it is in life you really want to be doing. You know the one: What would you do if money were not a problem? There’s a variation on it where success is guaranteed.
A few years ago, I came across another question: What would you do even if you knew you would never succeed? This was a good one for me. My mind tried to reject it and persisted in resisting it. Why do anything if you can’t be successful at it?
Hello! You’re still here! I hope you haven’t been waiting around for me for… Yeah. Three years. Or at least maybe you went out and had a coffee or something between posts.
A few lifetimes have happened since I’ve been away! I gotten a JD, got barred (almost a year now!), traveled through/to seven or eight (nine?) different countries, started writing fiction, became an aunt again, and again, and I’m sure I’m forgetting something important on this list.
I’m back and ready to see what this space can become.
So… hello! Shall we go on an adventure?
Continuing the previous post and comments and conversations about self-care and managing it
I worry about burnout. I don’t worry about it a lot, but I can usually tell when I’m feeling it because that’s when the worry starts to creep in. It’s the preview before the full-on exhaustion. It’s the days/weeks/months of denial that I haven’t been putting myself first in my work. It, positively, usually ends in a vacation, in all senses of the word. Last time I went to Guatemala for two weeks. No technology at hand. Just air and sky and people and a really good friend at my side to laugh and share with. Feeling deeply that this is what life should be. Understanding that my own privilege allows me this escape. But that’s another conversation. Continue reading
It’s been awhile. School and life got in the way of blogging. I suppose that’s okay. So what’s been going on… Continue reading